I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
