I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
