I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
