That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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