i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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