he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
