After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
