ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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