My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
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