In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
