And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
