I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
