I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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