Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize
