Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
