remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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