k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
she peed on how many people?
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
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