Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
