you have to choose: penises or morals?
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
