He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
