Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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