Only a mothe r could love this liver
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
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