I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
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