porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
A+ Viking dick
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
