My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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