is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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