I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
