Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
