I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
He did a backflip because drugs
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
