Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
