Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
