If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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