I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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