Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Congratulations! We have a period
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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