She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
