I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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