You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
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