i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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