This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Randomize
