My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
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He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
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Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
My vagina is very pro this idea
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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