When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
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