And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Randomize
