i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
