I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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