so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
