my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
