I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize