Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
im about as happy as oj after his trial
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Randomize
