i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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