so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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