Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
