Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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