So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I have grass duct taped all over my body
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
