Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize
