she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
