While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Randomize
