the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
