imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
