i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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