I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
