Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
