I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
